Fellowes Close fu** ups

Nothing Changes...............

2008-01-12T17:19:00.000Z

Lets just get one thing straight, boys will always be boys, but the trio who live in Fellowes Close are just fucked in the head. We started the first night out of the new year with a quiet game of cards whilst cooly sipping on some vodka orange and generally just having a laugh. T minus half hour and the shit exploded. Litre of Blue label Smirnoff..........Gone! The Jackhammers ipod swimming in a glass of red bull...... check. 3 men washing each other in a shower the size of of a phone box........yep thats right, check. The night had officially begun. What happened after this is a bit if a blur, but i know we went straight to the Hippodrome with the plan to grease up some fatties. Stupid amounts of drink, foul women and bad robotic dancing proceeded to unfold. After three hours of chaos we left the club and picked up some butchers meat women and took them back to ours. Myself, The Jackhammer, managed to get the best of a very bad group but thats no compliment. Tramp Unit got a walking bin, nothing else can describe it. And that friends, is the first nite of this year over. When will we learn?..................

The Jackhammer

Were Back!

2007-08-08T18:08:00.000+01:00

Yes, it is true, your eyes do not lie! The fellowes close boys are back and ready to spunkulate. Tomorrow nite, The Turk, The Jackhammer, Tramp Unit and a new member Dr Robotnik, will be hitting Zante so hard that all bar crawls will be banned when we leave. We've packed more condoms and slide 'n' ride lube than the whole of Germany, and trust me we intend on using all of it, mainly on women but obviously Tramp Unit has his Gay Scene to attend to. See u in 10 days, when we will return with stories of women getting done in pure polyester sheets and more kebabs than Crystal. Speak soon....................
The Boys xxxx

Update:

2007-03-05T16:24:00.000Z

Just recently I have seen no action what so ever.
I have been cock teased constantly, and I pitch tents where ever I walk.
The Turk

Binner

2007-01-31T12:52:00.000Z

A cameo appearance was made by a non house mate on a night out last month. I'll call him Trainwreck.
So we head into town out on the pull like normal, hitting the pubs, with a 0% hit ratio with the ladies. We dive into Chicago's, the only place you are guaranteed to find people with false hips, this is obviously the better pickings of the town.
It was amazing, PVC clad 18 stone women, leaching blokes and semi retarded bar staff. Everything I look for in a night out in one place, so after getting quite hammered Trainwreck starts chatting to something that may have stepped out of a bin and into the club. I was amazed and started chatting to her semi attractive mate. Realising I didn't have a chance with the bin job I became slightly disheartened. Though not wanting to let the side down, I did the wing mans job and chatted to her. She was 30 something and blah blah blah..
About a half hour after the first bit of bullshit left my mouth the last orders bell went, and the bouncers started hitting light switches left right and centre. We dived for the exits before we could really appreciate the glamour models we were with.
Breathing fresh air did nothing to sober me or trainwreck up. This was a good thing, and as we made our way to the taxi rank. I was doing my best to get on the thing I was with. I needn't have bothered though as trainwreck had the bin job lusting and I knew it wouldn't be too long before he would be in her trash compartment.
The taxi arrives and we are transported back to the 30 something’s house. I enquire to why there is a full height black mountain bike in the hall. "It's my sons" was the retort. Being quite hammered and seeing a furry rug in front of me I discard what she has said, and try to dive headfirst upon it.
Anyways after destroying a pack of fags the 30something and I march on up the stairs so that I can see her bedroom. About an hour later with only an empty tube of slide and glide to show for my troubles I sleuth it down the stairs in an attempt to rescue my mate.
Little did I know trainwreck was a late starter and upon entering the lounge I saw him about to do what I can only describe as a WWF move onto bin job. Knowing the sofa was about to take a right pounding I work out this is not the best opportunity to leave, detective work done and still pretty bollaxed I hobble back up the stairs and make the criminal mistake of falling asleep.
About half five and something is nudging me. Trainwreck had finally produced the goods and filled the bin. He looked scared and said we needed to leave. Putting clothes back on, and nearly stacking it down the stairs we scurry away for me to find out not only was she a bin job she was also a nutcase. What a result. Trainwreck had apparently hit the bin 3 times hence him being a long time and the WWF move was just repositioning. The sofa was cream in colour to begin with so everything was fine.
Until next time.

The Turk

I swear she was 50 mate..

2007-01-13T17:48:00.000Z

Ahhhh, its good to be back. A new year means a new start, clean living and detoxing. That is if your a normal person with morals and half a brain. Unfortunately you'll know this isnt us. For the Fellowes Close boys all this means is more mass nudity in the sauna like living room ( The temp never goes below 35 degrees), more shaving of the balls, and more freaky action with butchers meat women. So the first weekend of 2007 has just gone and as expected it didnt dissapoint. The Pussyjammer, The Turk and myself hit colchester harder than a gay man wearing dildo pants. None of us can remember where exactly we went but that didnt matter, all that mattered was the "House Party". Its Half 2, we leave chicagos after getting rejected by every woman in sight and we decide our next move, but then it gets decided for us. Out of nowhere 2 of Frintons finest appear and approach " The boys". One of them was at least 50. Without even looking at each other we knew what was going to happen. After 15 mins of trying to get a taxi we finally got home with the fine ladies and proceeded to release pure carnage on the house, The Pussyjammers bed and eventually the meat. The Turk didnt see any action that night because he was acting like a paedo but myself and The Pussyjammer unleashed our entire sexual move manual on these two. Rumour has it the elusive 360 degree arsecracker also came out. A good night in all, but something tells me this is only the start... Until next weekend Signing out The Jackhammer

The deviant

2006-10-17T17:23:00.000+01:00

One night after crawling out a bar with a lob on, the jackhammer see’s a young lady crying; next to a cash point and in the town centre he sees this as fair game. Being the horny sexual deviant that he is, he marches up to her.
Seeing her fake tits, denim one piece (straight out the 80’s), and listening to her manly voice, the perfect combo for the jackhammer, he pretends to take interest in what’s wrong and then takes her to a bar (because that is what you need when you are drunk, crying, and a general mess).
Anyway after a while, and him talking mainly about his hair, he invites her back to his place and proceeds to tell her that he wants to be a porno director when he grows up. Things happen they go to the bedroom….
So after taking off her one piece, he then proceeds to photograph her with his cam-phone, before getting down to a special one minute of grunting before unleashing his hellish man fat on her.
After promptly getting rid of her the following morning he showed us some quite shocking pictures of a woman without a denim one piece who obviously went to a blind plastic surgeon to get her tits done… I can also confirm that the jackhammer will not be producing any sort of high quality porno in the near future.

The Turk

3 Suck Wonder

2006-08-31T10:30:00.000+01:00

Whilst in a club in Saint Albans Tramp_Unit got chatting to the fifth member of the YMCA (A throbbing gay beacon). He told him that he could get him some cheap designer jeans as he worked in a designer shop. So he led him out the club and started to kiss him… thinking this is normal Tramp_Unit got led down an alley and before he new it, had his finest piece of butchers meat in the guys mouth. 3 sucks later apparently (believe what you like) he realised that he wasn’t hard and was indeed getting sucked off by a man and left the vicinity with only a semi lob on for his troubles.

The Turk

Saturday

2006-08-10T11:58:00.000+01:00

On Saturday night I went out and took a flying sofa to the face, got naked and passed out in a bush
Tramp_Unit

Completely Murked

2006-07-23T12:32:00.000+01:00

Were back! Fresh off the plane from a fortnight of destruction in Gran Canaria. There is so much that needs to be told but for now ill leave u with this little beauty. The tramp_unit went to the gay centre to have a look around, after browsing a few of the gay sex shops and finding a 2 foot dildo shaped like a fist he decided it would be time to go home. Walking back he had slight gas from the kebab the night before, little did he know that rather than secreting vapour he would proceed to unload the contents of his sloppy bowels into his khaki slacks........ completely sober.
That people, is a classic.
Goodbye for now
Jackhammer

It's all about technique.......

2006-07-01T11:20:00.000+01:00

So there i was, in bed getting sucked off by a gut-heavy princess while the pussy jammer was pounding her from behind, with the hardest porn available in the background.
This girl was so fat we both had trouble deploying ourselves in her. So fat I couldn't even get slightly aroused, thank god for viagra.

I have to admit, the pussy jammers technique is amazing, constant pneumatic action coupled with hard arse slapping, what girl could resist??

tramp_unit

Dark days, even darker nights....

2006-06-25T13:40:00.000+01:00

Where do i start? To put it simply i had a threesome on friday for the first time.
It was horrendous. The Pussy Jammer makes his first appearence on the blog, he was my sparring partner, although it was mainly me that boxed the guts out of this beast. After some seriously heavy petting i decided to get down to business first. For those of you new to this blog, i have two speeds in bed. Warp speed and Mach 8. No warming up, no sensitive strokes, no chance of lasting longer than 60 seconds. The Pussy Jammer had an awful time meaning i had to put in two sub-minute shows, though he was sober, which probably makes it worse cos he actually went down on the beast. So a threesome can be ticked off the list, as The Turk said, only DP remains, which means this holiday is gonna be seriously interesting as it apparently has a huge gay community....

The Jackhammer

The double fuck nut

2006-06-25T00:24:00.000+01:00

So last night we all went out looking for some lovely larger ladies. I ended up shagging what can only be described as a juggernaught with legs; to which end I thought would win the competition for the evening. She was massive and didnt enjoy any part of the crap sex I gave her. But just out of spite the jackhammer beat me with some amazing antics.
Dildo jammer (a fellow house mate) and the jackhammer doubled up on one of colchesters finest free hookers. She has shagged half of our local town, and according to Dildo Jammer "has a pussy like a cave".... "I felt nothing" were the comments afterwards. The Jackhammer put in his usual performance then Dlido jammer put in a five second cameo apperance before fucking off for a piss, so Jackhammer came back for another go. Double penetration now becomes the only thing our house has not experienced...
PS. If anyone wants the hookers used knickers (pink) please do not hesitate to contact, kept ecspecially. Offers of know less than 5 quid will be taken.

The Turk

tron shoes, old ladies and franz ferdinand

2006-06-01T20:24:00.000+01:00

Since no one bloody updates this site, i guess i have to do it.

-TheJackhammer bought some limited edition adidas shoes, that have a tron theme, very cool
-I shagged a 35+yr old lady
-I have a haircut like franz ferdinand
-The Turk has a huge pubic mound, that needs to be shaven immediatly

I would write more, but i literally belive that no one reads this

tramp_unit

2 pin dim plug

2006-05-11T13:58:00.000+01:00

When we're not touching fat women, we mostly spend our days indoors
with the cutains closed playing the best game in the world, smash brothers.

Check this out, it's like a big truck full of awesome!

tramp_unit

Quality half stalk action

2006-05-06T23:29:00.000+01:00

So... there goes another weekend. Yes thats right, my weekend ends on a saturday night now because i never have the money nor the detemination to go out 2 nights in a row anymore. Needless to say that friday was a complete failure. Consisting of me wearing the loosest fitting pair of slacks that i could find and walking round the club with an exquisite semi lob-on cos i just got cock-teased by a ginger bird for half an hour.What a night! So my plans for tonight shape up something like this, i skulk off to my room, fire up the laptop and know that i have the entire back catalogue of Brian Pumper and some of Dick Longs finest work at my fingertips. Its gonna be a long night....

The Jackhammer

An outstounding Pounding

2006-05-06T23:03:00.000+01:00

Last weekend I witnessed something that I hope never to witness again.I saw a good friend of mine shagging what I can only describe as possibly the most ugly woman I have ever seen. She had the nose of Frank Bruno and the belly most farmers would like to see on there pigs. Myself; I ended up shaggging what can only be described as a sheman beast. Her weight was unparraled, as were her looks. Against all adversity I took this girls virginity as only a true Turk can. She had the night of her life getting pummeled by a man who couldnt sustain a full erection at all. All this whilst watching her mate get a 30 second pounding. But it was ok because he came back and made his testimonial about an half hour later; in this performance he possibly lasted a whole 60 seconds.I have never seen a woman get on a pleasure train traveling that fast before, and nor am I likely to see it again.
The Turk

Sympathy for mrs vengeance

2006-05-06T13:57:00.000+01:00

You gotta feel sorry for this girl. 21yrs old, innocent, and a virgin. Last weekend her life changed for the worse when she got broken in by a 15stone fridge-like turk. This man pounded her for 40 minuites in a nylon sleeping bag,
while smoking a B&H.

The jackhammer was there, and saw the horror unfold with his own eyes, so he could probably descibe it better.
Jackhammers carribean woman looked alright in the photo i saw, i dont know what his problem is, i love sagging breasts and buck teeth on a woman.
Last weekend i crashed and burned like a champ,I dont remember a thing.
I'm told i put my penis in the jackhammers ear, so thats alright then.

We booked a holiday the other day, i cant remember where we're going, but i'm told it's really hot. Hopefully there will be loose northen women (why are there so many northen
people when you go abroad?) that love cock there, i need sex so badly it hurts my groin. I think its been a month without sex, which is terrible and the last few women i've slept with were truly hidious. One looked like a pig, and the other one was a eastern european
crack addict!
I need to sort myself out, after my exams i'm gonna get a haircut, buy some new clothes and then go to every bar in town on a charm offensive. Try and get on every bird as practise for the holiday. Right i'm gonna revise, untill next time.....

tramp_unit

My idea of a normal night....

2006-05-02T21:42:00.000+01:00

Ever since i started growing hair on my balls ive always dreamt of sleeping with a carribean woman. Everything about the idea seemed good, full hips, proper round arse, complete freak in bed etc. But no, reality is far worse than i expected. Try nose of usher, teeth of a horse and body like a fridge. Put this together with my housemate nailing what can only be described as a man in a skirt on the floor next to me and u get the feeling that " The fellowes close boys" aint ur normal blokes. In amongst all this there was also a badly fitting trojan condom and a polyester sleeping bag but thats small talk. Remember this is what i class as a normal night, until next weekend........ ( Picture to follow)
The Jackhammer